once again, not attending archery training. perhaps i had lost the motivation to move on in archery. no idea why, but thats it. its just PERHAPS. so dont question me about it, cause you will not get an answer out of me and you might get yourself irritated in the end. tired and motivateless to move on not only in archery, but in my life as well. somehow it just sort of stuck there for whatever reason i dont know. aimless, restless. too much things on my mind waiting for me to sort it out. but guess i am just running away from them and now they are all chasing me to a dead corner. >.< sometimes just wish that i am a happy go lucky person. maybe i can be, but there would still be somethings that would stop you from being one. maybe i am not bothering much about others but at least i am leading a happy life( at least a worry-less life ). guess i am changing, to a person whom i dont know who either. *sighs* dont want to get emo over such stuff eh. but things are haunting me, things are hurting me in such a way that i could almost cant take it. =( dont wish to say it out, as i think it would hurt others. but i am feeling lonely perhaps. maybe there are people who talk to me, but who are those that i can trust? a handful? all 10 fingers plus my 10 toes can also be more than those who i can trust. this world, this life of mine. how much times must i go through the same thing over and over again so that i could no longer go through those times again!? just hate that. tossing and turning on my bed, hoping that those times were just nightmares, just a horrible dream. but just me daydreaming. look through the photos when i was in year 1, many photos were taken. we were all very happy enjoying each others company. but guess what. each of us has lead our own life even though that very time we said to be together always. time just changes everything, but not everyone is leading a good life. someone like me is still hoping to live in the happy past times. thats such a bad idea to think of. Zz. right now, i am not feeling good. dont wish to say anything to anyone, just feel sad, depressed. guess no one understands me, how i feel and what i am going through. asking me the questions i could not answer, maybe its my fault that i could not understand myself either. forgive me for not understanding myself, forgive me for causing so much trouble, forgive me for being such a useless person in the world. just forgive me. i really really thought of just dying off, cause i wont think too much and wont seem to cause people misery anymore. my mind is in a whirl, a tornado, a hurricane where everythings just gets chunk together. and i am feeling the same way too. afterall, it would just be my fault. im SORRY.
