sigh. fretting over the same stuff over and over again.
wished that i would not bother about it.
tell myself that i can do it. will it work?
*shake head*
super disappointed after i heard something.
really really disappointed... im really speechless.
at that time when i heard that. i stunned for a few minutes before i started to reply that person.
being mean. start to get mean.
treated mean by others is not a good feeling. this i know.
cause i know the feeling. i still remember those days that i was condemned.
those terrible past of mine. will never forget that.
thats the reason why i pulled myself back from being a meanie.
being a meanie isnt something to be proud of. or something that is great to do about.
this word is such a taboo word to me. i dont wish anyone would be mean to any of my friends.
i dont wished that.
let go..............
learn to let go................
today is a very cool day.
just a nice day for me to rest and sleep.
a nice tuesday.
in the morning. practically could not drag myself out of bed to go to school.
so i just msg huiping to tell her i not going school asking her not to wait for me.
and call ah zhou to wake him up.
then i went back to sleep.
and 8 plus going to 9. dear called me asking me whether i going school anot.
and i a bit bek chek. cause dont like other people disturb my sleep when im real tired.
but i will get over it very fast.
then woke up in the afternoon. still want to sleep but cant get to sleep.
so woke up and bath.
then got a miss call from ah zhou.
then i called back and realised that he did not go sch either. -_-
and its the 4th time he nv go for that module liao loe!! omg..!
then we met up in school to eat. then i did the movie clip!
they ate away my movie!! hate window movie maker!! dont ever use that program!!
it sucks!!! >.< all my hard work all gone!!!! *crys*
then got the program cd frm yang. but dont have the serial number. -_-
still unable to use it. have to wait for tmr. ah zhou help me do.
now i shall relax and dont think of anything. and just watch my show.
i think i had already given up. the hope is gone.
i feel nothing anymore.
i dont feel there is anything between us. anymore.
what can i do when things had already turned out this way?
i supposed nothing can be done.
and i should learn how to let go.
maybe its time to let go.
but..... can i?
when i say im giving up..am i?
when i say its time to let go..can i? will i?
still thinking......................................................................
hey. this was meant for yesterday's blog.
but somehow the internet sucks! >.<
so today went to eat with mother.
then she drag the time loe. sian.
but nvm lar. long time nv go out with her liao.
then went to take bus to woodlands to take my laptop.
wah! reach woodlands just nice 2 lar.
and our meeting time is at 2. -_-
so smart of me.
then rush and pack my bag. and guess what.
i nv bring my charger and ran out of the house.
then went to take the train.
reach yishun just nice 2.30pm
the time i told ah zhou is damn 'Zhun' lar.
i told him reach yishun should be 2.15 - 2.30
didnt expect i would reach there 2.30. lolx.
then ah zhou drove us back to his house.
then we started to study.
ah zhou damn clever. he kept distracting us.
sian. nearly got stressed out over a problem i cant solved.
keep getting wrong. but in the end. thanks to mookie!
he really got patience to teach me wor. i really damn slow in learning loe.
and today hor. is sunday and he actually took the day that he could have rest to teach us maths!
really grateful! =] and hes thinking too much. lolx
and we say that he would go bald if he think too much about maths.
it was when we were eating dinner and he kept thinking to himself.
today is such a fun day. nv forget how we study for Uts.
i think right, we should study more often! we can learn and have fun at the same time.
that is so cool lar.
and today. when we were taking the mrt. LOLX.
this really make me laugh. really LAUGH!!
hubby was left bhind. she wasnt able to get on the train. lolx.
this really cracks me up. lolx!!
today i had been laughing so much.
maybe im compensating those days that i was really down.
haas.
* Thanks Ah Zhou. for lending us your house to study. Sending us to Your house and also to the MRT station.
Thanks Mookie. for using your own free time to teach us maths. =] and your patience in teaching me.
Thanks Lao Gong and Hubby And Dear. for being there to make me laugh. and also there when i need help.
Thanks Everyone! =]
hey! im here to update my blog again!
haas. mookie did realise that i was lying to him! LOLx!
and he also sees that yang was lying to him! he went to check up on his gay partner!
lolx. thinks got so many loopholes, he should know what we are up to lar.
and Great! he wore his new jeans! lolx! poor jeans.
when i reach the sports complex, they already started it!
didnt get to throw any water bombs! should have buy more of the ballons!
20 ballons are not enough! then we pour flour, and water! lolx!
and he bua on people lar! gosh. knew he would do that.
lucky i brought extra clothes! Gee. but so smart of me not to bring towel! -_-
we got the cream on the cake and bua on Mookie's face.
but Yang also kana alot. wakaka! why we keep bua yang?
cause its a rare chance to make fun of him!
then we ate the fruits on the cake and the cream at the side was almost gone.
and PIAK! it went onto mookie's face!! wee! theres still left over.
and we were taking the cake and PIAK onto everyone's face lar.
im so poor thing lar. feeding everyone with the cake then no hand to counter-attack!
-_- all bully me loe! haas. but it was fun lar. everyone was having fun.
and i almost fall! today had no idea. people kept stepping on my slipper and my feet.
god! my feet are so innocent alright!
then we took a pail of water to clear the place up and we went to wash up.
then took some pictures. the pictures will be update tmr. cause some was not with me.
it was fun afterall! haas. hope that you really like it mookie! =]
woot. here to update my blog!
how to say. yesterday it was a gd/bad day?
good as in mookie, winnie and wan ting there to cheer me up.
and mookie is there doing stupid things lar.OMG
we were making alot of noise at BK la. ~faint~
but we dont care. we just had our laugh and thats it!
wakaka. dont even care as long as there is people to make me laugh.
hmm.. what about bad?
theres just things bothering me.
some things that seems unsolved but yet looks solved.
>.<>.<
forget it. yesterday was so bothered by it.
felt that i might just break down anytime.
this friday there is meeting.
hope it goes well. =]
this morning press wrong button alarm clock went off!
NO SNOOZE. then some idiot told me he will call me at 7.30 but in the end it went past 7.38 and he did not!
god. shouldnt have trust him.
oh. that idiot is online!
haas. he explained to me without me asking.
good initiative! LOL!!
he say he was speeding.
want to die isit!! Kns
late abit nvm mar. you everytime late also like that.
speed very dangerous hor!
*kick ur butt*
gosh. today damn busy. rush here and there.
then knee is giving me problem lar. someore run.
haix.
for the thing. we did alot of work. lucky got car fetch.
if not i and yang die for them to see.
haas. but hopefully it would be a fun day. =]
will update more tonight or tmr. should be tonight as tmr they have Ut.
on the way back home.
alone walking the long path way back home.
i was thinking about
Life once again.
thinking what is it to me.
im surrounded by friends and family.
they loved me. they cared about me.
but what was i hoping for?
what was i waiting for?
what am i thinking about?
isnt this enough?
maybe im someone who take things for granted.
maybe im someone greedy. someone sell fish.
yesterday was talking with hubby.
about what i want to do. what i want from my friends.
i want to know what happen to them. i want to know all about them.
but there is one thing that is bothering me.
do they treat me the way i treat them?
is like i treat them as my best friends but do they think like me?
i know i must believe in them. trust them.
but im tired of believing something that might have happen again.
im scared. too scared to be hurt once more.
was hurt. hurt by my those my so-called Best Friends.
i took a long time to recover. maybe not fully recovered.
im still healing deep in my heart.
y am i so scared? because i fear to lose them.
they make me feel that my life is full of joy. full of laughter.
this kind of life is so memorable. those days with them was so cherished deep in my heart.
i will never forget those days and will never ever forget them.
im so weak. you once told me not to show others how weak i am.
but im indeed that weak. i cant be like you. always being so strong in front of others.
although there is a weak side of you but you never show it in front of other people.
maybe i cant be like you.
my life is always full of fear. although there is joy laughter.
everytime i parted my ways with you guys. my heart fell.
fell right to the ground.
not knowing if everyday would be like that.
as what i always say. life is unpredictable.
no one can predict what will happen next.
people say. thats why we must enjoy every moment.
its easy to say. but right now. i cant seem to do anything.
sometimes i feel helpless. thinking that i could help my friends that are in need.
but in the end. i did not help anything.
you. always cheering me up. made a promise with me.
a promise that whatever happens to each other. we will tell each other.
why must you wait till i ask you what happen?
why cant you tell me what happen?
i want everyone around me to be happy.
as long as they are happy. im contented.
hubby said. sometimes im too concerned about others that i forget myself.
and my friends also wants me to be happy.
this touches my heart. thanks hubby.
you knocked some sense into me.
im afraid of changes. afraid of quarrels. afraid of anything bad.
maybe im a coward. always scared of things.
im tired of thinking.
friends asked me not to think too much. but i just cant stop thinking.
>.<>.<
GREAT Morning to be on 17 Nov!!
Waited for minutes for friend to arrive.
but he did not.
and after i called him. he was with Mookie at SCHOOL!!!
Freaking hell..!! just freaking pissed off at him.
why didnt he called me to tell me he was with Mookie?!
what a morning to have!
and we changed groups.
it seems getting from bad to EVEN worse!
things just doesnt goes right!
whatever. they dont bother. why should i bother with people who dont bother!
freaking hell!! F*** Off!!! bloody hell!! just wish i could curse and swear.!!! =[
damn unhappy right now.
his responsibility as a friend had failed.
idiot. make me bloody unhappy. BAD mood now!!!!!!
Im Sad! yes. im sad.
Sad Because my friend does not want me to be sad.
worry. worry for my friend.
does he know that he means alot to me as a friend.
he sell fish. but i also sell fish. i want to know what is troubling him.
but all he tells me is not to worry.
how can i not worry when someone actually tells me dont worry.
i hate this feeling. this feeling of being kept away.
a promise. still remember?
yes. i think u did.
but.haix..
want your friends to be happy.
i will be happy if u share your woes with me.
really happy.
but all you did was to dig out all the sorrow that is in me.
yet kept yours in yourself!
im angry. sad. depressed. disappointed.
not at you. but at myself.
as a friend to you.
am i a good friend?
i dont think im a good friend to you.
angry. myself for not being there when you need someone.
sad. because i dont know whats been going through your life.
depressed. because as a friend i think i quite 'Shi Bai'.
disappointed. with myself for not being able to keep the promise with you.
Whatever happens today had just covered by this matter.
i could actually didnt notice something is wrong with my friend when we were together so often.
.................................................................................crying to bits myself.
Science Module today. Woot!
went to class and found my table empty. O.O
feared that i would be alone in my team. >.<
called hyder and luckily hes on his way. and heard that sean would be coming.
phew~
soon class started. the topic is on frational distillation. T.T gosh
didnt learn chem lar. and i had no idea what is going on.
then slack until 1.30 then in the end we pon. yes. the whole team of mine PON!
we went to the library. to slack.
watched movie with ah zhou. Monster House.
quite sad but nice. not a bad movie although a bit dotx sometimes.
then went to meet up dear to eat.
went to meet the rest for the workshop. waited for the person holding the key.
got the equipments then down we went to the range.
blah blah blah[ papa and us doing stuff for the workshop ]
haix. things are so......... dont wished to say anymore things.
tired and sick. breaking down in process.
wished i could sleep and never wake up.
Just escaping from the reality. how i wish i could escape it forever.
thursday, thursday, thursday!
one more day to weekend but yet i need to go school on sat for training.
yeap yeap yeap.
people are happily sleeping in their bed and there im training to improve myself.
it would be worth it.
lolx.
today module is culture.
Tada!!
we were playing a drama.
it was fun!
it was once 3 man team AGAIN!!!!!
had no idea how many times i had been in 3 man team!!!
gosh. please stop treating me like that!!
nvm. back to topic.
we were acting.
no. not acting.
we were laughing!!!
our script was not supposed to be so funny.
but yet. the actors were laughing non-stop.
yes. hyder act as Cheng Kiat.
and Im the Reckless Driver. Lian.<--that idiot hyder named it!
xiao yuan as Amy
starting of the play.
i was faced hyder from the start.
and once i see his face. i could not stop laughing!!
LOLX. i was strangled in the play and i was laughing non-stop.
they think i enjoyed it but tell you what!
im not!!! my neck is my most sensitive place.
and i was struggling when hyder strangled me.
but afterall, its okie lar. just that my stomach hurts from too much laughing.
then went to library. found hubby.
hees. and i watch GunGrave. until 3rd episode.
lolx. i still DN Angel, shaman King. Gosh.
wee. so going to take my time to watch! =X
my throat hurts. lolx. soon im going to lose my voice.
thats what i want. SICK. get Sick!
yes! yes! yes!
got headache and my mood isnt as good as yesterday.
maybe due to 'it' ba. haix.
why is 'it' that way?!
sad. depressed. disappointed. angry. failure. mixed feelings for 'it'.
Friday. a day to slack after school. but not for me. had training for every Mon,Wed,Fri and Sat. well. its not compulsory to go on Mon and Fri. its 2 days for recreational de. But fewer and fewer people are coming to shoot. so might as well take this chance to improve on my shooting. now my form really sucks like hell. getting from bad to worse. no grouping and totally no form.
there is UT for the seniors. wished them luck! and ah zhou skin thick thick say wont fail his UT de. i then say if he fail i laugh! then hes so going to kill me. =X but u think i care..!? lolx. hopefully this post he wont see. weee..~~ the connection is going to cut soon. haas. tonight then i continue if there is anything fun or interesting. =]
Saturday. We had to come to school for training. The Pt was a light one, we did the warm ups and do 4 sets of (10)10 twinkle twinkle little stars and we ran around the school. It was quite nice and we went to get the equipments and headed to the training ground. Shoot for a few ends only, its okie. I will shoot more the next time. Then we [ yang, mookie, wan ting jie, Winnie and me ] headed for yishun to go to the shop to have our hair cut. Im the third to cut, well the guy who helped me to cut looks like kunda. Lolx. He got a dimple~ and he joked with me, saying I blushed when he cuts my hair for me [ I was having sun burnt -_- ] at first I was only having a trim, but in the end I wanted my hair to be shorter and I just asked that guy to cut again. But
the result was not bad. Looks cool!
all of us looks nice with our new hairstyle..!! =]
thursday. culture day. class was not bad. today we were talking about POP music. its cool. head vennon sang. its cool, haas. and he had a single through his dad company. woo! had quite a fun time but my neck is hurting. wonder if its the posture i slept. yesterday didnt sleep quite well. haas. some people know the reason why i cant sleep well. troubled with something else.
i felt that as a friend, im such a failure. yes a failure.
friends always cheer me up whenever im sad, moody or feeling troubled.
but whenever they felt sad, moody, feeling troubled
i just cant do anything. unlike them cheering me up.
i love them. i treasure them. but it seems that im unable to do anything for them.
Promises. Are they Meant to be Broken? Or to Keep deep In the Heart.?
Or they Could just Be Forgotten?
Trust. Will it be There Always? in the First Place, is There Trust in between Us?
Can we Trust each Other?
Treasure. Can we Treasure them as How we Want to? will They always Be the Same?
Will they Change or Remain?
thinking about all this, suddenly thought of these and wanted to know the answers to them.
*sigh*
the result was not bad. Looks cool!
![These pictures shall tell you all the fun that we had! =]](http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/4945/2415/1600/263542/DSCN0869.jpg){kind=link}