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aNgElyNn

hAppiNess & sUffeRings www.mysterylov3r.blogspot.com

Friday, August 31, 2007
back from the dinner with my friends.
they still dint change much.
cunfeng just grew his hair.
was OMG when i first saw him just now.
haas. dint even know he is in laselle.
he year 2 le wor. haas. jia you!! ^^
gotta know whats happening in their lives.
its fun, i kept laughing and suaning ah pa. =P
really had fun, and after that waited for wk to come.
he turned darker!!! as expected lar. =P
just keep suaning his dark skin color and his small eyes. =P
he whacked me!! twice!! haas. and i whack him 3-4 times. he got sunburnt. so he more jia lat.
he told us about his life in his school.
damn happening sia!! haas. was laughing all the way.
cause he got friends. "fucking joker" thats what he called his friends.
haas. well, dint spent money on the dinner, ah pa and cunfeng kor treated us.
thanks!! muack!!
then went to the opposite block void deck to take photos.^^
later will upload ba. hee
came back home.woo~~
checked on my laptop.
then was thinking things again.
they were together, the whole day i supposed.
the other day went out, told me better go home early.
but now, not home yet. =((
im sadded......
dont know what to believe...
maybe i chose to believe myself.....
i dont exist in ur lives eh?
then just let me be........
sometimes i just wonder if u cared as much as u say.
just make me ponder.
i shall not say. shall not ask. cause i said..response is im too sensitive.
so i shall keep quiet. =X thats the way that i would not be sensitive. get it?
sometimes i felt stupid. why cant i just laugh and be with u all?
cause i chose not to. thats the answer i get.
thoughts just get lost!!! T_T
i must smile...be happy angelynn!!! =)
only i myself can cheer myself up.
only i myself can make myself sad.
only i myself...only i myself....had to blame for all these.....
theres only i myself.....no 1 else.....cause there arnt any to start with.....
dont say anything about this post.*

written @ 11:14:00 PM
rotting at home once again.
going out for dinner with sec friends later on.
but only a few are going, so abit sians. =(
but nevermind lar. sleep all the way until 2.
dont want to think stuff, so just keep on sleeping. =/
buay tahan le then wake up listen music.
xiong sent me one song. damn nice. addicted to that song le.

思念是一种病

当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
一辈子有多少的来不及
发现已经失去
最重要的东西
恍然大悟早已远去
为何总是在犯错之后
才肯相信错的是自己
他们说这就是人生
试著体会试著忍住眼泪
还是躲不开应该有的情绪
我不会奢求世界停止转动
我知道逃避一点都没有用
只是这段时间里尤其在夜里
还是会想起难忘的事情
我想我的思念是一种病
久久不能痊愈
当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
时常感觉你在耳后的呼吸
却未曾感觉你在心口的鼻息
汲汲营营
忘记身边的人需要爱和关心
藉口总是拉远了距离
不知不觉无声无息
我们总是在抱怨事与愿违
却不愿意回头看看自己
想想自己到底做了甚黱蠢事情
也许是上帝给我一个试炼
只是这伤口需要花点时间
只是会想念过去的一切
那些人事物会离我远去
而我们终究也会远离
变成回忆
oh 思念是一种病
oh 思念是一种病一种病
当你在穿山越岭的另一边
我在孤独的路上没有尽头
时常感觉你在耳后的呼吸
却未曾感觉你在心口的鼻息
oh 思念是一种病
oh 思念是一种病一种病
多久没有说我爱你
多久没有拥抱你所爱的人
当这个世界不在那黱美好
只有爱可以让他更好
我相信一切都来得及
别管那些纷纷扰扰
别让不开心的事停下了脚步
就怕你不说就怕你不做
别让遗憾继续一切都来得及

full song lyrics.

another song i kop from my brother.

笨蛋

冰箱结霜咖啡滚烫
煮不好最简单的早餐
我的生活是一团混乱
维持单身感觉茫然
喜不喜欢习不习惯
我总是说不出个答案
一个人来又一个人往
怎么让他流连忘返
我不想当笨蛋
我在墙上写满渴望
我可以大哭一场
房间还是空空荡荡
我绝对不逞强
该属于我任其自然
可是我也要安全感
在某个适当程度的主张
纵然是了解眼光也是温暖
每个早上都想赖床
没有梦是最让人沮丧
我的眼睛盯着天花板
也跑不出任何对象
我不想当笨蛋
我在墙上写满渴望
我可以大哭一场
房间还是空空荡荡
我绝对不逞强
该属于我任其自然
可是我也要安全感
在某个适当程度的主张
纵然是了解眼光也是温暖

the song,there was her and JJ talking.
quite romantic.yet sad. so if anyone wants, just tell me. will send to u all. ^^

right now, i just like "Used to" by chris daughtry.

You used to talk to me like
I was the only one around
You used to lean on me
The only other choice was falling down
You used to walk with me like
We had no where we needed to go
Nice and slow
To no place in particular

We used to have this figured out
We used to breathe without a doubt
When nights were clear you were the first star that i'd see
We used to have this under control
We never thought we used to know
At least there's you
And at least there's me
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back?
To how it used to be

I used to reach for you
I got lost along the way
I used to listen
You always had the just right thing to say
I used to follow you
Never really cared where we would go
Fast or slow
To anywhere at all

We used to have this figured out
We used to breathe without a doubt
The nights were clearer for the first time that I'd see
We used to have this under control

We never thought we used to know
At least there's you
And at least there's me
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back?
To how it used to be

I look around me
And I want you to be there
Cause I miss the things that we shared
Look around you
It's empty and you're sad
Don't you miss the love that we had?

You used to talk to me like
I was the only one around
The only one around

We used to have this figured out
We used to breathe without a doubt
The nights were clearer for the first time that I'd see
We used to have this under control
We never thought we used to know
At least there's you
And at least there's me
Can we get this back?
Can we get this back?
To how it used to be yeah
To how it used to be

To how it used to be yeah
To how it used to be
To how it used to be

*to a place where i keep all my happy memories.

written @ 4:14:00 PM
sometimes not talking to you all, make things go slower, time passes so slowly.
im yearning to talk to you all, but do u all have anything to talk to me in the first place?
to..~~ im actually not feeling the way that u were afraid of. i actually felt left out.
but never mind.
you all says its because i nv open up. =/
talking to you all, being with you all is what i wanted.
but somehow things crushes me together.
i just need attention. from you guys only.
others i can dont care. =/
but i dont suppose u all think this way. lets just let things be ba.
time flies when u enjoyed the times together.
and here i am, spending the slow times alone..............bye friends... =(

written @ 12:03:00 AM
Thursday, August 30, 2007
SO.......
WHY.....
this two words had been appearing in my mind for a million, zillion times.
but..whatever
its training time. so heck liao.
then went to run in the rain with dory.
but somehow, thoughts went through my mind.
always falling behind, giving up easily. thats me. im reflecting on myself.
but however, i still managed to ran back.
then went to gym to start the stations.
it was raining real heavy.
then we went to have our lunch.
after lunch, we went to shoot.
and it poured again~~
but we liked it!!!
shooting in the rain is so cool.
but unfortunately, there is lightning.
so we had to go back to the carpark.
went to the carpark to train.
raymond split an arrow, damn cool!
then i killed 2 arrow fletches. =P
not on purpose de lar..
scared emo-ness come back to me.
so borrowed Xiong's mp3 peii me..
throughout listening, saw things. but chose not to care.
then dont know how, i just kept on laughing and laughing.
laughing at wen xuan's laughter.
haas damn idiotic sia her laughter..=P opps..~
then keep laughing.
she laughing at me, i laughing at her.
from the carpark can laugh until the sports complex.
lolx!! stomach cramp sia.
then after a while okie le. but still. abit funny.
haas!!
then went to take bus home.
was about to think again. but i chose to slp~~
wahaha!!! slping is so much better than killing brain cells.
so please pardon me if im slping too much. =P
at night, also chose not to talk....
i did something weird.
i called someone's full name when i normally dont.
hmm..wonder what it means. =/
nah. forget it.
wen xuan was talking to me...
she got idiot dog head, monkey body and human ass.
all those is all i give her de..lolx!!! and she combine them all together!!!
great mind she have right? LOL!!
and i got blur sotong head, orang utan body and baboon ass.
all she give de. and she combined them all together for me.
lolx..!! farnie sia!!
not a bad night lar.
a break from every nonsense things. =P

written @ 11:24:00 PM
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
well, today was an outing for me after 2 days of rotting at home.
its a day out for lao po and hubby.
but i think lao po is not in..so hubby is going out with me currently.
went to orchard, but as usual she is late.
things cropped up so ya.
nevermind. i stoned at the stairs there.
haas. then 3+ she came.
she wore the long neck shirt.
haas! nv see her wear like this before so yar. felt weird.
then went to have out lunch. went to ate macs.
its at the shaw centre there, so there are alot of pigeons.
=_= the pigeons not scare people de. anyhow fly de loe.
damn freaked out lar. idiot.
then faster eat finish went to far east plaza walk walk.
on the way, was talking. =D
then walk finish far east le, then go takashimaya walk walk.
walk until tired le, then sat outside Bosinni there take pics.
=P haas then have a little talk.
then dont know where to go liao, went to the MRT.
i suggested take the train until we feel like getting down then get down.
so took the red line, went to Jurong East.
then back to Gombak. haas.
alight there and talk...until 9 plus.
then faster go down, cause going to overstay le. later fine $2. =P
but lucky me nv kana fine. hubby kana fined. haas. suay..but lucky that uncle nice
help hubby get out, without fining her. =D thanks MRT uncle.
then i took train back to woodlands and then take bus home.
dint go straight home, went to the park to walk walk.
well, it was creepy at night. hees. but i got home safely. =D

*choose to be happy rather than emo-ing* =D
finding back my old self.

written @ 11:06:00 PM
woot...another day to rot at home!!
parents felt so weird...
they thought something happen to me.
haas. but yeah..
spent my day rotting at home
slpt until 3pm. kana call pig by my friends. T_T
not only 1 loe..is 3!! sobs~~
then played game with Max. wahaha!! i won!!!
Max u sucks!!! geehee..!!
then at night, a night to emo sia~~
then was talking to few people.
then watched tv...
talked to Ivan.
haas.. thanks Ivan for the counselling.
and dont get emo after u stopped people from emoing..
that doesnt sound right okie? =_=
idiot. lolx!! thats say my day lar..
nothing much though.
just when talking with friends, my train of thoughts just went away.
no much of thinking... hee. such a great night.
and Lance ah gong..u will find a great ah ma de..
dont give up eh? haas. and dont drink so much!!! take care! ^^

* great night *

written @ 12:30:00 AM
Sunday, August 26, 2007
okie...
after a day or doing nothing
i think its time i should pick myself up
or nothing could be done right?
saw some people's blog
events happen, im not the worse
i know all these stuffs, but when things happen to you all these thoughts,things are just nothing but rubbish
telling people what to do is easy, everyone knows what to tell others what to do
but how is the person going to accept it and do it and understand it
it aint easy feat.
i can say that this fall for me actually isnt big.
i can predict a greater fall in my future
cause it happens to everyone.
a fall, so that u gets stronger and not cry after you fall
the process of standing up sucks.
yar, but thats the way we are suppose to move on.
life just gotta move on..time wont wait...
even its just for a few seconds.
all these thoughts just woke me up now.
no idea whether will i really REALLY take them in....
but i just know that i took them in right now.
read a friends blog, cherish or regrets
choose to be happy and cherish
or feel miserable to regret.
thats the choice i came up with.
although i felt better now, but i still dont want to say anything yet.
just want to keep my thoughts clear.
things i see, things processing in my mind,
i tried to believe what both of u said.
tried. and trying.
i trust you.
not to say things that would hurt me.
im not going to think.."what if they lied to me"
dont wish to think about it anymore, cause it only bring misery to me.
i just wanted to believe what my mind is processing is wrong. DEFINITELY WRONG.
and when i get back, things would be back to normal.
really back to normal....

written @ 7:01:00 PM
been trying to take a nap
not going out cause dont feel like going out
i cant sleep when i want

i hate the feeling of doubting people or even myself
it feels like i dont trust anyone
i dont want things to happen again
things like im being betrayed
i fear of being hidden in the dark, not knowing anything
i dont want anyone to hide anything from me
cause it just seems i cant be trusted or what
but then, there are some stuff that cant be said out
how to prevent one from lying to you?
can you even prevent that...
i cant prevent that, thats why i fear

my friend found my low self-confidence disturbing
maybe so.
i just look at the bad side.
but i dont feel happy
i want to get myself prepared for the worse for everything
but i am not happy.
i always think of the consequences of everything i do.
the worse scenario of everything.
how do i feel when i first came to RP?
how do i feel when im in year 1 sem 1?
can i get the feeling back again?
cause i felt happier during that time
when everyone is laughing
no 1 is left out, everyone is enjoying themselves

fate.....destiny......
no idea what are they.

written @ 6:25:00 PM
Saturday, August 25, 2007
read someone's personal message
wonder if its refering to me
since you dont bother to say, then i dont bother to ask
that person seems to have tingling feeling to give me up.
why do u think everything is easy to say?
i just need some space on my own
a space of my own.
i lost myself
which is the worse scenario ever!!
did u ever realise that all these while, its not angelynn?
i had been trying to fight my ownself. but does anyone knows?
when im joking, laughing, smiling, do u all really think im happy?
i dont even know the answer to that alright?
sometimes telling u stuff, doesnt always make things better.
sometimes it would just make things worse
so i chose to keep quiet.
and when i does that, things starts to happen.
terrible things start to happen.
i hate it. (T.T)
either way it just makes things weird.
im tired of these.
no longer wish to talk.
no longer want to.
forgotten how to be happy, how to enjoy myself, forgotten how i care about others before myself
I HAD FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT IT!!
do any1 of u realize that?
i doubt so.
all i felt right now is fear, insecurity, lost of trust, unhappy
u had deleted the sentence away when i came online.
thats what u really felt right?
if so, i really dont know what to say.

this whole day, i thought through.
why sometimes i sms someone and why they dont reply me back.
maybe there is really nothing that we could talk about.
so everything just stopped.
or they are just not interested to talk to me.
so i comforted myself with that reason.
thinking since we got nothing to talk about, then why sms them.
i shall stop sms-ing people.
i should stop that habit.
it had become a nuisance instead of caring.

slowly, finding reasons to comfort myself.
to solve the stupid things that make myself feel worse.

during this time, doubt anyone would talk to me.
so, i think during this time, think about whether i will miss them.
or will i slowly forget about them.

hate me if you want. give up on me if you want.
i wont blame you, cause this is my choice.

written @ 9:33:00 PM
okie...
this had been worse than ever
this is so not angelynn.
where has she been?
locked in a cage by this person i guess.

she is sickening. freaking irritating BITCHH!!!
been telling people to smile
but got possessed by this freaking bitchh...
this is just another freaking breakdown of angelynn.
she does not know what is wrong and right
she does not know whats truth and whats not
shes is in a mixture, confused, lost
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.
HUMPTY DUMPTY IS ME
could angelynn put herself together again?

once upon a time, 1 small river runs through 1 town. then another town sets up near the river and needs water..so the small river is divided into 2 to supply water. but then villagers realize that the division of water restricts the flow so both towns suffered a drought.

understand, anyone??

thanks friend. you were always there when i needa you.
giving me the energy and courage to continue moving on.

written @ 12:28:00 AM
Monday, August 20, 2007
got nothing to do.
then went online to find ways to cheer up!~
dumb right? =_= but thats me..... =/

found this..

Accept to Move On:

But first, it's important to deal with the any initial feelings of denial, anger, guilt, and blame. Though these feelings are perfectly natural, they won't help you feel better. When something bad happens accept that it has happened. You don't have to like it, but accept it. Denial won't make it go away.

Though temporary negative moods may even be helpful in dealing with a bad event, they won't help you recover and move on with your life. But a positive attitude will help you move forward. Most of us recognize this, but we often have trouble finding ways to elevate to more positive moods and attitudes.


These interventions will help lift your mood, elevate your spirits, and get you moving back toward a positive attitude:

At times, everyone gets the blues or feels mild depression without recognizing a specific reason for it.
hmm...that happens to me..but i admit that i stayed quite a bit =X

10. Breathe

Breathing is normally a subconscious function, but conscious breathing can help reduce stress and tension. Focusing on your breathing keeps your attention on the present moment and is a common component of meditation, a proven stress reducer. Breathe deeply and slowly, noticing each breath you inhale and exhale.

9. Laugh

Laughter is the best medicine. Keep handy a book of jokes or a favorite comic strip cartoon. When you feel blue, immerse yourself in the humor and go for a stomach-aching full laugh. Deep laughter improves your immune system and helps you keep life's problems in perspective.

8. Return to Nature

Go for a walk in a park, sit by a fountain, or gaze at a poster of your favorite ocean or mountain scene. Reflecting on a beautiful natural scene can lift your spirits.

7. Gratitude

Make a brief list of three to five things in your life for which you are grateful. Reflect on each item and identify the positive way it impacts your life.

6. Give of Yourself

Providing an uplifting message or thought to someone else also uplifts you. Call an elderly relative or friend. Offer a few minutes of your time to baby-sit or walk the dog for a busy neighbor. Helping another moves your focus and will improve your spirits.

5. Exercise

A brisk walk or any other form of physical exercise will improve your mood. Weed the garden or clean the house. The physical activity will help lift your mood.

4. Daydream

Recall a great vacation or a wonderful family reunion. Reflect on a card or letter someone sent you that was touching and showed they cared for you.

3. Use a Strength

We all have unique strengths, capabilities at which we are particularly talented. Use one or more of your strengths in some activity. If you don't know your strengths, take the VIA questionnaire.

2. Tend Something You Care About

Tend to a garden, a favorite house plant, a pet, or your car. When we tend something we provide a loving, caring attention to it that is a form of giving. Tending is not a chore, it's a blessing.

1. Apologize

Guilt and regret can hang around us like a lead weight, bringing on mild depression without our awareness of the cause. Offer up a sincere apology for things you've done or said that offended or hurt another. You'll feel the relief of your burden of regret even if you aren't able to personally deliver the apology. Offering it up to the Universe is sufficient.


Signs of Depression

Your behavior as signs of depression:

Your feelings as signs of depression:

Your thinking patterns as signs of depression:

Your body signals as signs of depression

wahaha...take a look if ur into depression anot...

Characteristics of highly sensitive people are similar to introverted personality types. Like introverts, highly sensitive people are quickly drained and need time alone.

but im definitely not introverts!!! =p

Highly sensitive people are deeply affected by lights, strange odors, clutter, and loud noises. They startle easily and take longer to "come down" from long days, conflicts with friends or family, or stressful days at work. Highly sensitive people can't tolerate as much as other people can. These personality traits are different than the characteristics of introverts.

Personality traits of highly sensitive people

Highly sensitive people are able read the moods of their friends and family quicker than "regular people."

highly sensitive people aren't to be confused with introverted, inhibited, or shy people (though similarities exist). Highly sensitive people have a more sensitive nervous system – it's a physiological as well as a psychological condition. Basically, highly sensitive people are more susceptible to external stimulation from sights, sounds, and even vibrations. Introverts may not be as sensitive.

Most highly sensitive people are:

Physical characteristics of highly sensitive people:

am i like that? dont think so...~~ =/

anyway...people who wants to read can go to:
http://personaldevelopment.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_cheer_up

written @ 2:55:00 PM
gosh...
once again i did it!!
gotta let go!! =(
need to control...
just messing everyone's morning. =/
im sorry...
just need to let it out and get a answer, if not i think i would anyhow think again.
sorry if this way would kills u somehow.

i just need my confidence.
confidence.............believing in u guys....
how not to be too sensitive?
not care too much? =/
how? i dont know....

nvm....shall just let it be.......
*being a pain in the ass early in the morning. is so not a good thing.
just leave me alone at this moment. need control my own emotions.

written @ 9:47:00 AM
Saturday, August 18, 2007
my life is in a mess
caused by myself
i had no idea why i am feeling this way
filled with insecure, belonging
no matter what was said to me
i was avoiding. afraid to get hurt
dont wish to get hurt, so i chose to hurt other people
hanging over there
i saw 2 paths, i dont know which path to go

without me, life would be much more easier, happy
ii would just bring unhappiness, all those bad things to you people
im unlikabble, who am i exactly?
i dont even know it myself.

i dont want sympathy,
i seems like i cant accept any care or concern from you guys.
its like i dont deserve it.
hate me if you really want.

whatever. need to let brain stop thinking..at least not think about that...

i broke a arrow today!!!
into 2 parts, the other part was missing. =(
had to pay $2....=(
training wasnt good for me.
doesnt seem to improve either.
might be deteriorating
=( my interest, my passion...where are you guys?

what a sad day. raining whole day too. =( what a day to be.

Just let me be. =/

written @ 7:08:00 PM
Friday, August 17, 2007
should i continue blogging?
or stop and keep what i feel all to myself?
but to realize i already answering my own question =_=
im already blogging >.<
nvm....

what am i to people?
it seems that im precious to my family.
then what about my friends?
is it the same?
sometimes i just make a big fuss out of something small
haas dumb action of mine.
i wonder if the people who say words they meant it or just for the sake of saying

*piak Piak~*
im suppose to be happy!!
but here am i emo-ing again.
wth!! someone just shud me up!!
hate this moment of me.... somehow i want to say i hate u.......................................... =/
but im unable...... so forget it.

written @ 10:34:00 AM
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
BLOG SUCKS ALRIGHT!!!!
I SHALL STOP BLOGGING!!!
SINCE IT ALWAYS CAUSE MISUNDERSTANDING!!!!

written @ 2:18:00 PM
tiring days, tiring weeks
seems so tired everytime
haix, training yesterday
everything seems to be wrong
finger hurts, no strength
then shoot form for quite sometime le then slack there
my hair is kena tortured by yahui and nad T.T
body had been feeling aches all over i think im going to fall sick soon =/
feeling stupid sometimes.
feeling dumb sometimes.
feeling idiotic sometimes.
just want to shrug off that feeling. =(

its good to be lying to urself just to make urself happy.
its good that we dont want to care about things sometimes.
sometimes it just seems good to be real BAD!
i mean reall badd!! yeap...means to be selfish..to be someone hateful...
dont talk to me if you dont want to.
theres no obligation to talk to me, i would rather dont talk to you.
each and everytime................. im tired of it alright?
sick of it, dont want to care anymore alright?
dont force urself to talk to me.
its like me boring you
maybe i should leave for a moment then maybe later on have topic.
haas
dont know =/

written @ 9:06:00 AM
Saturday, August 11, 2007
seems like i had giving pressure.
need to let go. haas
too much pressure will cause the balloon to burst.
and i scare of balloons!!
no 1 understands what im talking about?
goodx then. want to talk to myself in alien codes.
wahaha!!! today dont know what happen to me.
walking home i can think about things until i forgot that i was holding the shoebag on my bag
and i just crossed the road. =_=
and 1 car suddenly honk me. i thought what i did wrong sia?
but the people inside were pointing to the curb on the road side.
to realise it was my shoe bag.
haas!!! so paiseh sia!!
dont know whats going on with me.
i can just stare and stone for dont know how long to realise that im actually doing nth.
should get out of that mode. haas!!
must be in a happy mode. like what i had promised to try my best. ^^

written @ 1:24:00 AM
Friday, August 10, 2007
okie
lets see, things had been up and down for me.
its just myself finding trouble for myself.
yeap. need to stop myself from giving any more trouble.

hubby, i dont know if u are reading my blog anot =/
i want you to tell me what u are thinking
something u promised. sames goes for the promises for ur Bee Bee.
u said 2, okie. i will give it to u.
but would u tell me whats wrong?
things left unsaid would it be better? or would it cause misunderstanding?
i think i would misunderstand things.
yeap. deep enough to anyhow think things.
u told me its hard to be optimistic.
but well, like u told me as well i want u to know there is always me/us for u to talk to.
the prob is u are keeping everything to urself.
u sure dont want us to grab u down and do what we did the other time right?
i want u to tell us/me willingly. its something i wished for. i dont know whether it will come true anot
i dont want you to be suffering alone. to be all alone even if u are trying to be optimistic.
if u dont feel well saying. then type it out, write it out.
im always there to read. always there to listen.
there are times when u are optimistic which makes u feel so strong that i feel that there is nth i could do for u.
could u? could u just tell us things about u? just take that to let us know u better.
can? i wanted to tell u all these, but u are offline now.
today i like too sensitive.
there seems something. u said nothing, the rest said nths wrong.

maybe its just myself starting to give myself trouble again.
^ *[ Trying my best now. ]* ^

written @ 3:20:00 PM
Thursday, August 09, 2007
another day that end up with uncomfortable feelings.
why does this have to happen?
what is going on with me?!
sometimes i wished i would disappear.
run away from everything but i know it wont work.
"nvm, forget it"
these words would only make me think that i dont understand you.
which makes me feel irritated. frustrated.
sarcastic, thought of giving up, dont bother anymore, irritated, frustrated.
you made me think that you felt that way.
sorry if i misinterpreted the way that you felt.
maybe i really do not understand u afterall.
how to make u believe me when i say nth?
i told you before why i chose not to say.
and i supposed you understand it.
can you trust me?
can u believe me?
have faith in me?
i dont want you to be worrying about me anymore.
after u got 2 jobs, and seems tired all the time.
its like im adding on to your burden.
sometimes even if im getting stronger, there are times when i felt down.
i cant make myself 24/7 happy all the time when im with you all.
i cant promise u that. cause i know sometimes i need time alone to cool down from everything.
i dont know what to say when u asked me what happen
and i can say, dont force me. i might become a monster.

*mind in a whirl*
no reason.
[monster incoming] =(

written @ 1:47:00 AM

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