i wonder.
is there anyone there
to support me in whatever i do
to guide me along the path that i walked
encourage me to do what i wish to do
motivate me to continue my path
felt lost somehow
i cant seem to find the cheerful me back
been trying all these while to find the old me back
i miss the crazy me
the one that laughs all the while
im always depressed now
this is not going to work out
shall smile through everything
even if im forced to smile to everyone
i shall just smile
this is only for the moment
i will, no. must find the old me back
before i lost 'Her'
right now i might be quite emotional
maybe im always emotional
but i shall be optimistic
i've thought through
even there is no 1 to encourage me
i shall encourage myself
i know its tough to walk alone
but if there is no 1
thats what i can do
if i cant make it through
then its because im not strong enough
not prepared to enter the society outside
soon its going to be the end of the year
so fast new year is arriving
will the things be the same
dont think so
things and people would be forever changing
for i will perserdurance! ^^
today went back school in the afternoon.
in the bus, met someone that i dont ever wish to see.
but what to do? get off the bus meh? siao.
some more sit beside me. Kns!!
haix. then i dont care. just continue staring blankly outside the bus.
reached school le. found that dory cut her fringe. and hm cut her grass hair. haas.
i also want to cut my fringe. but i think later ba.
then fletch my 2 arrows. then went to play piano.
Mr Wong is my piano teacher for the day. and i ask him Diam.
wahaha. what a nice student i am.
cause hes freaking distracting me lar.
im there trying to co-ordinate my left and right hands to play the new song lar.
then he dont know talking what nonsense. both wanting and me bo chap him.
and he started to smack us with his file. -_-
idiotic teacher. lolx. but the new song is nice. but unable to play it still.
play until hand cramp. then ah zhou not coming to school to fletch.
then went to eat lunch! im so damn hungry lar. then eat mini-pot. wanting eat udon.
while yang and mookie eat cup noodle. so "healthy" wor.
then after that went up to a class to screen "Saw 3". haas.
mookie dont want to watch but we forced him to be in the same room.
Gee. he was listening all the while lar. lolx. but die die also dont want hold up his head.
then went to buy old chang kee and bubble tea.
then keep talking over there. in the middle of the pathway. smart us. lolx.
the whole day was ka jiao dory and yang. lolx. damn funnie.
then on the way back alone. was thinking alot of things.
mostly is myself lar.
thinking, am i too much?
am i doing more than what am i supposed to do?
am i so stupid? too stupid to realise that im stupid?
am i too dependent on people?
starting to think alot of nonsense.
i remember someone said this to me.
"A broken boat cannot float until someone does something to fix the leak.
And this something could be as tiny as providing a nail for it.
Thats what you are to me"
after i heard this. i felt warm inside me. knowing that i could actually help someone.
it just makes me feel happy. contented.
its sweet to say that to me.
but i think once again. what can i do for him/her.
just being by their side?
is that what they need?
i dont know what they need. but will they ask for my help when they need it?
am i such a failure?
sometimes i felt that im such a failure.
never felt successful. i had no confidence.
maybe i lost it all. lost it through many things. unable to get it back.
maybe i could. maybe all i need is time. but when is it?
haix.
trying to be an optimistic.
but still thinking all these. too much for me eh?
thinking too much. u all said.
i shall try. try not to think so much.
i know i had been saying this for million times.
but it didnt work out. i shall try once more. or more than once more.
[ why put other people's problem as my own? ]
maybe i cant bear to see them suffer on their own. maybe i just want to help them.
maybe i know the feeling of the problem and dont want them to feel that way. ]
these are the possible answers that im able to come up with till now.
alone once again in my room.
wahaha. got nothing to do.
so shall blog on Tue.
wee. on Tue. it was raining HEAVILY. and non stop.
it was irritating. haix.
slpt at 4am. but woke up at 7.30am.
sadded. then woke up. was somehow arguing with my dad.
then i went to bath and ran out. without taking any umbrella.
just walked all the way to the bus stop without any shelter.
so was soaked in the rain. but i dont care.
was quite upset during the bus journey.
then went to met up with winnie, raymond, jon, xiong, teddy, zhen yuan.
then set off to yang's house. bought Mac breakfast over to eat.
woo. yang house is damn right inside lar. walked until my feet suan.
cause i need to hold on to my slipper to prevent it from slipping off my feet.
and also to balance myself from slipping.
reached his house. damn nice!! >.<
i like those steps when we entered the house.
i like house with stairs. no idea why. make me think back of my Hougang house.
didnt take pictures of his house lar.
but the photo of his home-grown bananas.
haas. cute right? went to his room to put the bags. wah. he didnt lie to me. his room ceiling really leaking. lolx. then we started playing cards. wee. im good among them. lolx. =X never shuffle the cards. its always the guys doing the shuffling.
wahaha. then i went play piano. woo! i knew how to play it after alot of trying but manage to learn it in 1 day. faster then that pig head! lolx. but not yet the remix version. shit. im forgetting the rhythm! >.< going to practice.!! haas.
then 2 plus went to marina square to either play pool, bowling or watch movies. [ i know what you are feeling at that moment ] haas. then after that we went to food court to eat with jimmy and nana.
then after that went home loe. haix. damn sad ar. on the way back ar.
wan ting looked at me then she kept laughing.
omgosh. she say i open my eyes big big very funny.
now i know what ways to make her laugh. lolx. open my eyes BIG BIG for her to see.
haas. then she laugh all the way back to sembawang. lolx.
then i walked under the rain again. found out that i forgot to eat my med again. Gee.
shall make up the next day. Wee. thats all for Tues outing loe.
haas. after all it was quite fun lar. all those rumours are for entertaining. -_-"
lolx. they happy they say lar. at least they feel 'happy' ka jiao-ing us.
rather then keeping quiet walking in silent. lolx.
a boring day to start with.
so it would be a boring day to end with.
today wanted to watch a movie. but keep going out these few days.
so haix dont want parents nag so much. so cancel it.
Boo. wanted to watch Cinderella de. but nvm. wait for Sat.
sleep until afternoon then woke up. then went to bath then went online.
watch a few episodes of GunGrave. didnt manage to finish watching it.
but i still didnt manage to do it. lolx.
was a lonely afternoon. nth much to do.
read some of my friends blog. found out alot of things that i didnt know.
i realise how blur am i. haas. yesterday dory say i did something that i didnt realise.
what did i do??! gosh. nvm.
sky is getting darker. and its going to start raining again.
my house washing machine spoilt. have to go and get a new one.
sad! i dont want to wash my own clothes. but i had no choice.
practically too lazy to do anything.
yesterday had a conclusion.
Never Give Up On Friends.
i would never stop caring for my friends.
have to Be thick skin.
What is True Friend to u?
got this random things in mind. haas. nvm.
shall just keep it to myself.
competition day.
what a tiring day.
got 4th for the individuals. haas.
there were 6 girls only.
as for the team. didnt get any place. but we DID GREAT!!!
okie. Har HAr HAR!! Jia You!! there is always a next time!!
dont be discouraged by these!!! today is an experiencE!!
Hwee min!! Dory!! U all had did well.
hwee min. dont be discouraged by today okie?
just jia you the next time round okie? ah zhou say we will imrove after the rest.
so no worries yar?
and dory!! Congrats for coming 1st for the Girls Individual!
Keep it up..!! continue to Jia You also!!
today raining again. got myself damn wet.
haas. smart. so going to make myself sick.
been under the rain yesterday. no umbrella. just walked home.
today also. under the rain. wahaha.
nvm. guess my body can take it ba.
got something i wanted to say. but i just want to keep it down.
once i thought of it. i just want to cry.
haix. had no idea whether today is full of joy or what.
christmas.
haas. thought it would be a boring and lonely 1.
but there is someone to accompany me.
thanks alot. appreciate it. and i accepted it.
we walked around bugis. and stupidly walked around the mall a few rounds.
and never thought of the Bugis street.
then went to walk bugis street around 8 plus.
haas. felt so idiotic. then was commenting on the pedestrian crossing and the traffic lights.
lolx. then walk until the middle of the street and found out that there is 1 BIG fan.
haas. felt so dangerous. then walked damn fast when crossing over that place.
then walked back to the mall after walkin a while. cause got nothing much.
then walked back le. went to eat ajisen. woo..!! it was damn full lar.! gosh..
make me want to puke loe. haix. so going to spoil my stomach lar.
haas. took some photos. but i lazy to upload it.
lolx. so might upload someday when i transfer the photos to my lap.
to my fren that accompany today.
[ although thinking that u wont see this, but i still want to thank u.
knowing that im having a lonely christmas and yet u came to celebrate with me.
really like ur company today. and i enjoyed myself today.
talking almost everything, and u making me talk when we were both quiet.
haas. the moments were nice. it seems to be a date.
but deep down, i know its not. lolx. *shy*
haas. anyway really thanks.
you taught me how to be face skin thick thick.haas.
i shall try that. lolx. and hope that it would be a better change for everything. =) ]
was thinking about this.
will we get tired of each other?
haas. so far. my friends say no. and some didnt give a certain answer.
but found out 1 thing.
haas. felt so stupid.
lolx. just found out that im a selfish brat.
such a selfish brat that i dont realise that.
stupid selfish brat that i myself hate.
and here i apologise for all my past mistakes.
but u might think that im insincere. haas.
i didnt realise up till now.
haas. yar. slow me right.?
thats me. maybe its too late for me to realise my mistake
as things might have changed.
well, if its too late. then let me regret.
i had no other choice then to regret.
well, its 24 Dec.
Christmas Eve to be exact.
yeaps. and i spent half of my day sleeping.
haas. early in the morning went to see docs with bro.
i want my beauty sleep. but i very good. peii kor kor go see doc hor.
also to get my med for my stomach. Gee.
then had breakfast with Kor Kor. and went to the clinic.
Gosh!! many People sick ar. we had to wait for 1 hr before we could get to see the doc lar.
then we chit chat while waiting for our turn.
soon, its our turn. cause got alot of people went missing. -_-
then come what sia. went into the room and start to eat sweets on the table.
Gee. Dr Fang was already used to it. lolx.
seems that my bro's condition is getting better. Congrats Kor.
after that, we walked back home.
then it started rainin on our way back. -_-
and nearly slipped and fall cause my flip flops are very slippery.
but very near my house le. so nvm.
then reached home. Wee. sleeping time.
bath liao then went to bed to sleep.
my parents are just screaming at me about how i always sleep at home nowadays.
weather nice to sleep mar. then i so tired.
then slept until 5 plus. Kor wake me up.
budden i scream at him. disturbing my sleep.
haas. then he also pek chek. scream back at me.
then i woke up quarrelling with him.
then i went to bath again. then went to Tampanies with Kor Kor.
raining somemore. haix. just make my mood worse.
then reach there le. parents haven reach yet.
damn hungry. then went to buy old chang Kee with bro and also the 'Shi Lin' chicken.
then eat liao. go back to the restaurant there queue up.
the queue is long lar. make my legs so suan.
then wait for my elder bro to reach and we could start eating.
like the soup of the restaurant. drank 3 bowls of it.
then walk around the pasa malam. bought 2 pants. Wee.
then took bus back home.
the plan for tmr failed! >.<
couldnt find Zy!! that idiot dont know go where..
haix. nvm. then Tues going to have archery outing.
hope that it would be a day of fun! ^^
the sweet dear bought for us. ^^ nice! but eat liao mouth pain. >.<
words that i wrote on the table after i took up the cup. haas. not bad right? Gee.
clouds that form a bow and arrow? haas. not so clear.
awww..so sweet.. looking at each other so sweetly while at full-draw. LOL.
haas. well all these photos are for yesterday de.
cause didnt bring my laptop over to woodlands so unable to blog yesterday. lolx.
yesterday.. went to Macs to eat after training.
haas. had been thinking alot through the day. lolx.
hmm...then lets blog today.
today mookie left early. think he went back hime to rest ba.
but he didnt show much of his feelings. no idea what is he thinking. haix.
just hope that hes fine after resting. =]
then today i shoot like no1 biz lar. -_-
keep shooting non-stop only rest for 2 ends.
then when hm or dory not shooting i will take their arrows and shoot.
i today stunt lar. then right arm going to break like that.
so going to improve my shooting lar.
then wed got competition le. sian.
woo...tues going to have an archery outing.! wee.!
so excited.! then maybe on mon will be going out with ah pa, kang, wk and zy.
haas. all guys and me the only girl again. lolx.
got used to it le. so nvm.
then today after training went to food court to eat.
as usual talk and laugh like no1 biz.
then zhen yuan and jon and xiong went to the arcade.
while yang me winnie hm dory went down to buy bubble tea.
lolx. yang tried the oreo chocolate. eww..it just taste like oreo lar.
or just something weird. lolx. no choice he had to finish it up.
i told him. dont regret just appreciate it. lolx! what a thing to say to him.
saying and doing are 2 different things to be. lolx. thats what i conclude.
then i ordered chocolate ice-blended. like it alot nowadays.
no idea why. haas just like it. then the cup i got had my horoscope.
so lucky me! Wee!! haas.
picture of the empty bubble tea cup. craving for another cup of it. >.<
the cookies that lao gong and hubby gave me!
the card that hubby drew for me. Gee. Like it alot!
all together. the cookies and the card.!! Nv forget that! haas!
then while queuing for the bubble tea.
lao gong and hubby gave us the card and the cookies.
so sweet of them! Muacks!
then after buying the bubble tea.
went to cold storage with winnie to buy chocolate for her neighbour.
then went to find lao gong at Singtel.
the queue is long lar. and its closing soon.
lolx. then zhen yuan and jon came to find us.
after that we went to take mrt back home.
on the train. ah zhou called me!!
haas. he damn toot head lar.
say he at bangkok and its snowing.
then i toot toot believe him lar. then i asked him to take pictures.
lolx. then he say no lar. reached singapore liao.
i was like idiot head. haas. cheat me nia.
lolx. then talk talk then he realise that he cant train for wed competition.
cause mon was christmas and there is no training. lolx.
pig head. wahaha!
but felt quite honoured that im the 3rd person he called after he reached Singapore.
then passed the phone to yang and they talked. lolx.
today no mookie to peii me to city hall there.
haas. alone in the train.
idiot yang asked to enjoy the trip and imagine mookie is beside me.
-_- people would think that im crazy lar.
then called my mum. she was at orchard.
stunt. then i say i go find her. she say dont want lar. i go there they surely leave orchard le.
then i say forget it then. haas.
then when i reach orchard. she ringed me up and asked me where am i.
and when i say at city hall. she say take the train back to orchard lar.
i was like. -_-" please. damn lazy to take the train back to find u le lar.
then the train is full loe. sian. then have to stand and my legs are aching like hell lar.
haix. reached home. dad asking why i reached home so late.
once again i explain the same reason over again.
its like become my daily routine le loe.
then took pictures of the cookies and card.
so sweet of them. ^^ love you guys.
thursday.
a day spent alone at home.
lying on my bed restlessly.
opened up the window in my room.
a gust of wind blown into my room.
wonder why is my life so bored.
nvm about it, so decided to watch the show yang passed to me.
'1 litres of tears'.
heard about the remarks. damn touching, damn nice.
haas. spent minutes making my hard drive work.
theres somethings wrong with my harddrive.
had to restart my laptop twice.
then watched for hours.
as i watched the show, i realised how fragile life is.
just 1 disease, it could just break 1 person apart.
no. not only 1 person but also the people around the person.
the people who cares about him/her.
the show is based on a real-life story.
the kind of shows that i liked to watch.
it just bring sense into me. making me think more about how cruel reality is.
typical me. thinking non-stop. even when watching a show. -_-
the girl inside had a damn optimistic view.
she was brave, she had courage to do whatever she wanted to do.
she did all the things that wont make her regret for her rest of her life.
admired her. admired her for her courage, her braveness and her attitude towards life.
the show also tells me that having a positive attitude alone cant be forever.
they still need the support and encouragement from their loved ones.
even though knowing they would part 1 day, they still cherished each day with each other.
that kind of thinking, life, attitude. could be a model to everyone.
never give up even though they know there is no cure for the illness.
its not the end of the world.
this show is so nice!! >.<
got 2 poems from the show.Everyone feels pain,
But surely, after suffering satisfaction will arrive.
Even with sports, studying or other ordeals.
With life, its like that for everyone,
If we can beat the pain, on the other side,
A rainbow of happiness awaits us
That will definitely become a treasure.
Lets believe in that!
When my existence seems to disappear,
I will look for the place where I can do my best I can.
From now on, I will deliberate slowly.
I wont be impatient,
I wont be greedy,
I wont give up.
Because everyone takes things step by step.
meaningful or dont understand
for you to analyse on your own.
i didnt update yesterday de hor.
hmm.. its a nice day to begin with.
cause there isnt any raining until 5 plus.
we didnt get to finish our fita on time so dragged a bit of time.
then mookie could get his form. so his training mode on liao.
talk to him hor like talking to the wall.
so cant be bothered with him. just let him be loe
then wait for him to shoot finish. -_-
but in the end we walked to causeway point and wait for them.
they 2 really know how drag the time. lolx.
we were there thinking why they took their own sweet time.
lolx. and came up with funny things. scrubbing each other's back.
eww. haas. dont care. then they reached, then they ate duck rice.
then we started talking about condoms, eggs, sperms. wth. foodcourt leii..
talk about this topic. -_-
haas. and we laugh all the way lar.
omg. then 9+ le then we set off to sit the mrt back home.
mum called like no1 business lar. 8 missed calls. faint lar.
as if i will get lost or something like that.
then in the train, as usual both the faggots talked about nonsense.
haas. well yesterday is quite a fine day lar. =]
raining all day long.its damn bored. nothing for me to do.
except to just slp. use laptop and chat with friends.
having flu. -_- drenched myself under the rain the past few trainings.
the weather lar. doing stunts. always playing tricks on us.
Competition is getting nearer.
nervous. nervous. omg. its like so far yet so near.
Had to train hard loe.
and so smart of me to change my gripping yesterday.
arr.! so going to buck up. mookie just gave me a website on how to train.
http://www.tenzone.u-net.com/Physio/trnwhat.htm
people who are interested can take a look.
the stretches in the website seems not bad.lolx.
im going to train my back and shoulder muscles.
otherwise im always using my wrist to pull. and not my back and shoulder muscles.
so going to improve on so many things. Perserdurance!!!
Gee. nothing much le lar. haix. nothing much for me to do.
and i will still be reading on the website. Gee.
so bye~!
hmm...in the morning got up early to go to woodlands to get my hp charger.
do stunt forgot to bring back bedok. then hp going low batt soon.
then after that went to meet dory. but she still at home lar.
another stunt. haas. then i bought the breakfast then i walked to school first.
then wait..wait..wait..yang and mookie reached school liao.
>.< yang face a bit stern. and i still a bit shocked. no idea how to approach him. lolx. but after a while, he got warmed up and it seems all back to normal.
haas. well today weather as usual do stunt. -_- make our life difficult nia.
the weather playing tricks on us lar. rain then no rain then rain then no rain!! damn pissed with the weather. going to get sick sooner or later.
haix. then today changed my grip. shoot until KNS!! omg!!
but i will still have Perserdurance!!
haas. was talking to mookie in the train.
he asked a question why i bought my bow.
haas. then he say everytime i shoot badly ar.
my morale goes right down. haas. but i didnt realised that it would affect him lar.
-_- and he created a word. [ Perserdurance = Perseverance + Endurance ]
haas cool right?! [^^]V
but i will show my ' Never Say Die' spirit. [ i hope so ]
hahas. and was chatting with mookie after yang alight at Bishan.
was pestering mookie to talk in chinese.
haas. so farnie!! omg..! when he talk chinese is just so strange.
lolx. then he gave me a new name. -_- [ Eng-Chiao-Ling ]?
weirde..! then i called him [ Woo-Qi ] for mookie. lolx.. also weird right? lolx.
Gee. was quite relieved that yang was quite alright today.
can see that hes trying to prove that hes okie in front of us.
but will hope that he will get what he wants.
i want the old Meh Meh back! having a headache now.
must be the rain! forget it. just leave it alone.
Stay cheerful and have Perserdurance!
sunday.
a day spent with shawn.
haas. what should i say? our clothes doesnt match at all!! lolx.
just like 1 person going to some kind of ball, while another 1 is wearing casually.
haas. im the 1 wearing casually. Gee.
well, when we met up he said not to say anything about us first. let us enjoy the day together.
haas. i went along with the idea.
we met up at city hall. then walked around suntec.
haas. i itchy butt went to Candy Empire.
bought the orange chocolate. haas. and we finished it all lar.
then we went to bugis. ate mos burger.
well, at first had mental block. damn quiet lar. but opened up after a while.
haas. can see that he tried to break the ice.
i wanted to take neoprints but that idiot dont want.
so we didnt take.
then we had our dinner.
haas. and i got his shirt dirty. smart me.
but he smiled and say nvm.
and we had a long talk on what we had been doing.
then we walked to esplanade.
had a slow walk. he held my hand but i pushed away.
and that is when we start our 'conversation'.
i didnt patched back with him. yes.
he turned into a very mature fellow. but the feeling is not there anymore.
i went to meet him up is to tell him that everything is over le.
what happened had already happened. it will always have changes.
then he sent me home. and he went back after that.
i sent him a sms. thanking him for making today such a nice memories.
will always be his friend. =]
yup. talked to hweemin about this. and another thing.
nothing is impossible eh? haas. hope so ba. =]
woo. today is a tired day.
and the weather sucks!! omg!
rain then no rain. rain then no rain!
wth!! want to rain rain once and for all lar!!
damn shitty. make us all wet. then dry then wet again!
Kns! like that sooner or later going to get sick de loe!
haix. nvm. i shall start on what happen yesterday.
yesterday. we did had training. haas. actually nothing much loe.
just as usual training. haix. my bow arm, release arm.
pathetic! so going to improve lar. but i will take my time to change.
not take my time lar. but i just wont rush to improve myself.
was damn tired yesterday. was sms-ing him. nod. nod.
finally decided to meet him up. yeap.
haas. someone is going to kill me. -_-"
but i had to make it clear to him.
well. this morning had prata. omg.! felt so bloated after eating it lar.
then we today very slack lar. but the person wanted to slack but in the end so hardworking.
haix. make until the tension so tense lar.
make me so scare to talk to him. -_-
he and mookie like taking turns loe. taking turns to have mood swings.
haix. just hope that he will be better.
[ Yang : although i had no idea what is bothering you, but i sincerely hope that you would get things clear and of cause get yourself back. I know you for who you are. whether you are 2-faced person or what, you will only know it yourself. but whether you are 2-faced person, you will always be my friend. ]
just want to let things pass. dont wish to think too much.
ohh...ah zhou online le. hes in thailand still. but hor. he pig head!! nv reply me.
Kns! Dont want to talk to him le. PIG HEAD!!! hmPh..!
rain rain rain.
there is still thunder striking over here.
haix. the night is cooling but here im feeling pissed.
what am i pissed about? is about the gathering.
no. i should say its HER!
yes. sometimes i dont understand her actions.
it just practically pissed me off.
haix. dont wished to say about her anymore.
it just worsen my night.
hasnt been updating for these few days.
so i will just sum it up.
hmm..training on monday. and my shooting sucks.
getting more and more depressed in what am i doing.
had no idea what am i doing. or how should i improve on.
but i hope that i still have that bit of determination to continue improving myself.
then on tuesday. went back to school to do my fletching.
did my arrows. fletched my arrows.
all the while i was taking my own sweet time.
haas. and left only 30 mins to do my arrows.
cause mookie and yang were using the fletching tool.
theres a new fletching tool. and its damn cool lar. nice to play.
then we went to the other side to fletch. i had no idea how to describe the place.
can only say that the place damn few people would walk pass.
then yang and mookie were playing dota when im fletching.
-_- damn disturbing lar. and yang's labtop is damn lag lar.
play the dota ar. wah. one piece one piece. see liao also headache.
lolx. then after that we went to eat long john. haix.
actually want to eat KFC de. but hor. damn many people loe.
then walk back to long john to eat.
then we sat there and say lame jokes. no. mostly is yang.
yes. only that idiot would think so much nonsense.
haas. then we go walk walk. then we go home shortly.
then there is training today also.
wah. the weather damn sucky lar. rain then no rain. rain then no rain.
Kns lar. then pluck the arrows also damn difficult. idiot! -_-
make me waste so much energy to pluck just 1 arrow.
haas. then after that we had a team challenge.
lolx. its seems fun lar. wanted more of these games.
although we lost today but we will buck up! =]
dont lose hope.!
then after the challenge. only 6 people left. lolx.
then we paired up with one of the people to shoot.
I lost!! twice! Boo.!! once to mookie. and the other to hwee min! >.<
my bow arm! arr..!! so going to buck up!
i damn suay lar. kana mookie twice. -_-"
haas. but quite competitive~ not bad lar. lolx.
woo. another week had just passed. >.<
haix. days passed by so fast. and i would be going on year 2.~
going to be senior liao. but i still wants to remain as junior~
lolx. senior seems so old. -_- lolx..
haix. think im going to slp soon.
but so many things are still on my mind.
gotta stop thinking. Gee. =]
will still be looking on the bright side~ haas.
hmm..lets blog about yesterday.
there was training yesterday.and can say its quite fun lar.
lolx. cause we had fun although we were tired.
then after training, it rained heavily!!
haas.when walking the way to causeway point. mookie is so SCARED!!
what is he so scared of? WORMS! lolx..
he damn funny lar. omg.!
then after that we went to take bus to Changi Airport to send Ah Zhou & Jimmy off.
haas. will miss them muchie muchie!!
while waiting to send both of them off.
Me, yang, mookie, wanting and Peck Leng were self-entertaining.
well most of the time is yang and mookie entertaining us.
then they checked in. and we went to eat POPeyes.
lolx. sells food. oily chicken!
lolx. i didnt eat much. i just ate the fries and mash potato.
then we all took the MRT back while yang went to take bus home.
Peck Leng Brought her Kiyoshi along. wearing a Kimono? did i spell it correctly?
went back home. had a talk with parents once again.
always been the same thing. studies and future.
yar. i get what u mean. u think about my future.
saying that i had no plans for my future right?
im always hanging out with my friends and not studying right?
gosh!! i get it! i get it!!
well. for today. slpt until 12...long time nv sleep for so late liao.
but still...not enough sleep.!!
then woke up. watch tebbie. then slack the whole day until the evening.
went to attend wedding dinner of my relative.
then just reached home and bathe~
while attending the dinner. i was thinking about Shawn.
yes. him. Serene! get ur point. dont come and shout at me!!
Im Just thinking alright?
hes just an idiot! a jerk! thats what u would say right? i know.
im not going back to him kies?! just ease!! okie..?
thinking over stupid stuff today. sian!!
just want to concentrate on my shooting tmr~
tmr going to count points liao!! sian!!
no idea if im going to shoot well.
no confidence~ >.<>.< so going to be damn tired.!!!! arr..!! forget it.
Well, on the way back home. was listening to a song.
lyrics goes like this:
I believe that everything happens for a reason
I know everybody makes mistakes
And everybody regrets sometimes
this reminds of someone telling me. that whatever we do. there is always a reason.
what is the reason that i like you? i had no answer to that myself.
[ I want You but I cant Tell you ]
hmm..was looking through the past posts in my blogs.
haas. feel stupidness went passed me.
lolx. sometimes i just so stupid.
haas. Ah Pa said. other people's problem, y bother to think when they dont care.
yeap. right. but why do i care? cause i treat them as my friends.
haix. anyways, not going to think so much.
too much thinking has make me changed into another person which i myself hate too.
so i better dont think so much.
today went to japan for a trip again. but it was a short 1.
so today not too bad. did tried my best not to think so much.
' Dont Live in the Past' this phrase is said by someone about me.
saying that i always lived in the past.
maybe. as what Ah Zhou said.
i should move on. Carry on with my life.
haas. maybe i should enjoy my life.
as what Zy said. Life is Short.
and i should enjoy myself.
i should not think too much again. lolx.
slept half-day today. No where to go. >.<
then stay at home. wanted to watch show de. but somehow. eyes are closing.
lolx. and i went to sleep. and woke up when i heard someone IM me.
haas. nod. its lao gong and hubby. lolx..
lao gong ask me to listen to one song!! omg..!! that song is nice..!!
then hubby. lolx..dont know what she want leii. everytime i reply she say nvm.-_-
Tmr Eisha might not be going to training. and huiping not coming.
it seems like she got fever symdroms. lolx. dont know how to spell lar.
hope she get well lar.~~
woot. still thinking want to send Ah Zhou off anot.
if want hor. like i go nia.~ abit weird leii.~
aiya. see first ba. >.< will miss Ah Zhou.~~ 2 weeks~
why miss him ar? i asked myself back. lolx.
cause hes one good fellow i can disturb in the middle of the night! wakaka
dont know what will happen when hes not around.
wah...~! say until he so important.
actually no lar. he around also the same. doesnt make much diff.~ =X
just another fellow who will disturb me when im moody or stressed up.
lolx. see this Bro of mine~ lolx. nice hor. why cant my 2 bros be like him?
1 is older than him and the other is younger than him.
but somehow me and my bros are unable be like me and Ah Zhou.
if we can be like that. wah..! i damn happy liao.~
but my 2 brothers are also not too bad. just treat me like maid nia mar.
then for nothing will scold me. and then we will fight.
like that only mar hor. pathetic. -_-"
Nvm. family is always family..!! Gee. Never Bear Grudges.!! =]
now i shall be thinking of the bright side of life.!! not the dark side of life.!!
friday. its a half-day training for us.
yeap. yeap. tmr ah zhou and jimmy going to leave for thailand liao.
still thinking want to send them off anot. *ponders*
anyways. these few days had been listening to the songs that i coop from Aisha.
woo! those songs are nice! thanks Aisha.
haas. then got a song just for Ah Zhou.
sitting. waiting. wishing.
this song lyrics just make me remind of him.
lolx. and he have to give me that idiot face when i say this song makes me remind of him lar.
Nvm. i very good de. i forgive and forget. =X
and i want souvenirs.!! >.< wonder if he would buy me any..~~~
mutated dog will be away for 2 weeks.~
haas. now i die liao. also call him mutated dog. wahaha!
but do i care.? wahaha.
today. after shooting. got this 'Dispute' session.
well. its not dumb to have this session lar.
like what i voiced out [ but is like no 1 listening lar ]
at least we know what each of us are thinking rather then playing guessing games.
hope that after this 'Dispute' session hor. people would be more considerate to each other.
take mookie for example ba. right now hes changing. yeap. and he needs time ba.
from the past him right to now. i think he did changed alot loe. thats what i think lar.
maybe for others it might not be. but as long as hes comfortable with who he is.
thats what matter most ba.
hmm...remember what yang said during the session.
right now at this moment we had improve so much. who must we thank?
haas. basically i wanted to say thank myself. lolx!
and of course those people who had been with me all these trainings lar.
we had been encouraging each other to carry on up till now.
but most of all. i think i want to thank both mookie and yang lar.
they both took off time to get the training started even they can rest at home.
A Big Thanks To Mookie and Yang! =]
so hungry at the 'Dispute' session. gosh! didnt eat. >.<
wahaha. then went to eat mac after we went seperate ways with the seniors.
they are going to orchard to makan. woot. that fellow first time go there wearing like that.
today shooting. SUCKS!!!!!
gosh. where is my hhueeling..?!
where has it gone..?!
sian lar..!! going to find the hhueeling tmr.!!
and hope nothing goes wrong tmr.
heys.
holiday starts yesterday but was having training.
im getting back my Hueeling.."feeling" lar..
going to grasp that moment and train harder.
time is ticking away while im wasting my time thinking of something unuseful.
going to change that mindset of mine.
my mindset is really getting people pissed.
so i must changed.
not only for them but also myself.
and i found out i sleptwalked last night. -_-
my mum is freaking scared. damn..
didnt slept well or rather say i didnt sleep.
and went for training. but i got back my feeling.
things are getting out of hand but im not going to care.
i just want to concentrate on my shooting.
got this really sweet fren. sending me cards every time there is a festival.
thats nice of him. Thanks Jasper. =] brightens up my day.
today went to bugis with Zy and Ah Pa.
nice outing but its me who spoiled the outing.
was freaking restless. powerless. -_-
but next time im not going to be like that. =]
thanks Zy and Ah pa for making me laugh today.
next time go play pool and K okie?
bought a ring. got a spider on it.!! gosh.
its black in color..!! >.< so nice.!!
want to go shopping for clothes..!!! i want clothes..!!
first day of the last month of the year.
life is still messed up.
mind is full of rubbish.
i no longer know what im thinking anymore.
what is life?
i want to escape from this reality.
from this world.
i want a world that is full of laughter and joy.
i dont wish to face all these unhappiness.
yar. maybe this is what i had been thinking too much.
i hate myself. seriously hate myself.
i dislike myself. for thinking too much
not being able to relax and just let things be.
along the walk home just now.
thinking, what am i to my friends?
am i a friend to them? or just some strangers?
when i thought of it, i feared.
fear that each one of them would tell me that im nobody to them.
i always affected about what others think of me.
maybe thats the way i am. thats the real me.
im stupid, unable to think properly.
im idiotic, always thinking too much.
im dumb, im whatever.
i always think that people would always need my help.
im stupid to think that way.
i always think that i can cheer people up.
but no. i cant cheer people up.
im too dumb to do that.
i think that i could entertain people.
but i think that im just a stupid, idiotic, dumb loner.
that would always be alone.
too much stupidity in my brain to think that people needs me.
i wanted to cry. but unable to cry it out.
why? i wanted to be strong but im always that weak.
why am i in this world? doesnt make a god damn difference whether im here or not.
this shows how fragile life is.
im back to my old days. depressed. always sad.
NOT to THINK TOO MUCH!
is that all i can do? but how can i not think so much?
im always thinking.
i tell myself not to think so much. but yet im still thinking.
fear hinders me. yes!
fear. the fear of losing everyone.
the moment i think that i lose everyone.
i felt helpless. maybe im too dependent on people.
but i cherish them too much to let them go.
to let them leave my life.
maybe this is me being sell fish.
all these while. maybe it was me daydreaming of having right by my side.
maybe i should admit im selfish.
wanting everyone together is to want them by my side.
this thought. is so selfish of me.
haas. forget it. i should tell myself to give up this thought.
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