whHooPPpeeEe...!
long time never update le.
these few days, felt like sleeping whole day long.
forever not enough sleep like that.
this morning practically just stone there and almost dozing off.
the tea is not helping me. instead it almost put me to sleep =_=
just have to tolerate, and keep myself awake by talking to the other people.
got a website. but be prepared to see unwanted things.
www.spikedhumor.com
that was the website given by some idiot.
lolx. that was supposed to keep me awake, but it made me so pek chek.
cause i cant watch the video, keep buffering de. so lao ya de.
then dear bought me mentos~ weee..~~ so sweet..~ thanks dear~! muacks~
that kept me awake for every mentos i pop into my mouth.
haas. so imagine how many mentos i had popped into my mouth just to keep myself awake.
i think my body is giving way. so tonight im going to sleep longer.
my class ended quite early. as usual
then i called HP to ask them to come down to take the laptop for service.
tmr they are coming down~
wahaha, still thinking whether want to buy the laptop anot.
later then discuss with my parents. =/ not cheap to buy a laptop.
lets move on~
talk about the juniors~
some of them are quite fun to be with, some still abit quiet.
never talk much. especially minnie and david ba. to me..
the rest all got talk...then i abit gan chiong cause dont know how to guide them.
i also scare teach wrong. =/
then very tired sia~ but quite hyped leii.. dont know why suddenly so happy.
haas just felt like it loe.
then after training went to causeway to makan.
ate yu mee. omg! im so not going to eat that again.
the soup all absorb by the mee liao loe. sad case.
cant finished. but i dont care. so after we finished eating, all of us went home.
then as usual, i took bus home. then i walked from tampanies back to home.
the breeze~ so cooling. things just went through my mind.
a gust of disappointment just passed by me.
its the kind of feeling that makes you lose hope.
let it be archery or things around me.
i'm tired of keep trying, but i dont want to give up, cause i cant bear to give up everything.
but yar. will forget this feeling. and keep on trying.
its the motivation to keep me moving on, but yet its the thing that demoralised me.
things are so contradicting at times.
but just have to accept it because this is reality.
have no choice but to accept it in order for the world to accept you.
the dinner that i had.
the chocolates that dear bought.
hubby trying to shake all the gas out.
dumb face after eating the chocolate. =x
photo taken outside the bubble tea shop.
these few days i had made a mess out of my life.
practically just messed things up. forget this forget that.
and i could overslpt for consecutive days.
just felt tired running from bedok to woodlands and then back to bedok.
just make my life worse. and im going to move house soon.
thats very lame, cause im moving from bedok to bedok. =_=
sounds stupid right. but its because my building is going to tear down to rebuild.
therefore i need to move. =/
im so going to miss my current house. >.<
tired. tired. tired. is the thing that i can say now.
mind is running alot of things.
just cant stop processing.
today i shoot like freaking shit. just want to kill myself with the arrows.
no consistency no grouping no lifting of elbow no stable bow arm
all these problems!! go bang wall lar. haix.
everything is squeezing into my brain. it sucks.
physically tired. mentally a little.
alot of things had happened.
know the things that i dont wish to know. but still have to accept it
yar. but we pretended nothing happen
so just be normal loe
cant expect any big changes to it.
[ dont want to be blur anymore. ]
am i holding on to it? i had no idea.
yesterday was actually my rest day.
but i still went to school as usual
to get the laptop vpn done, and also have breakfast with the rest.
its been very long time that i went to breakfast with them
they said i always MIA. faint. no laptop mar. then go to IT helpdesk early to get the acer laptop
i then dont want IBM leii.. will die loe..use that kind of laptop.
then now can go breakfast with them every morning le..!!
wahahah!! so happy.
things happened too fast.
and i just found out something.
i dont remember the days that we were not close.
i only remember the days that u all had brought joy and laughter to me..
when im really down, you showed me care and concern.
telling me that you all need me, which gives me hope to survive.
you are the ones that make me cry when i see you hurt. whether physically or mentally.
you all taught me how to stand up again. how to smile once more.
this is the me that you all had helped.
this is the chapter that we are going to have.
i dont wish there is any finale to this chapter.
lets just motivate each other to complete each other's life. ^^
im afraid. afraid that i had everything now, and i might just lose it.
too scare to be too fortunate, cause i might just be unfortunate in the end when i lose u all.
this fear is uncontrollable. but i will just leave it aside and enjoy the times with you all.
you know that i love you all more than anything. *muacks*
thanks for giving me a chance to start a chapter with u guys.
and like what dear says, open up the door to us leading to ur life.
What's love?
When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them.
At that moment, you are in love.
Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh,your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone. Then, you are in love.
Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival, your phone is quiet. You are desperately waiting for the call! At that moment, you are in love.
If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from that special someone than other many long e-mails, you are in love.
When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the messages in your answering machine because of one message from that special someone, you are in love.
When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would not hesitate to think of that special someone. Then, you are in love.
You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction. At that moment, you are in love.
All these feelings i had to forget.
Cause it had causing me to be another person.
A person who is full of unhappiness.
And of course I want people to be happy.
Ought to know what i want.
My biggest weakness is to always put others before me.
Is that so? I felt that i had been quite selfish lately.
Things are happening so fast that I didnt really want to accept the fact that it did happened.
Im so indecisive. Not sure of what i want.
This starts to get me irritated. And im starting to hate myself.
I need to stand up. On my own. Once again.
Those were just memories. They were in the past.
Life needs to move on. There are still many important things for me to do.
I just need to move on to the other phase of my life.
This is my life.
I need to balance out things. Things are too concentrated in a place.
What do I want exactly?!
Im just so lost. All my thoughts are in a whirl.
Saying things and unable to do those.
Just make me feel so miserable.
Things would change.
Im no longer most important to her.
Im no longer needed to him.
Im just someone extra in their lifes.
Thats how i felt right now. But i cant bear to tell them how i felt.
I dont wish to make them feel guilty nor sad.
Haix. My life is in such a mess.
Need to find back my reasons for all these.
I must keep my feelings deep down inside.
No 1 will knows what Im feeling anymore.
Act naturally? How to act?
Haas. Its okie. I would just act.
[ Locked Feelings ]
Whatever I do, It may or may not be the truth anymore.
wHHoooPpppeeeEE....!!~~~
haas. just realised that i got a scratch from hitting the wall with my fist.
dumb me. use fist hit wall also kana scratch. dont know how i hit sia.
wash hand also pain. but who cares?
found some theory. not theory lar.
just some concept that i got on my head.
sometimes when you are sad, but you do not have to show it all to the people around you.
this sentence people tell me before, but i inisisted that they tell me what happened to them.
maybe things have to heppen to them before they know what is it like ba. =/
oh yar. i want to thank Angel and Apple. [ from E45L ]
they were the first to say that. quite touched. Thanks alot.
and Apple asked me to change nick. and i change for the sake of her.
she said it was too emo. lolx. anyways thanks lar.
went to lunch just now, pretend nothing had happened.
i seriously did that. but...haix. [Speechless]
managed to pull it through. ^^
dory. i know what u meant but i just be a selective looker. sorry bout' that.
things are just as normal. ^^
im going to continue to be like that. but will i be able to take it?
hope i will ba.
just a random post after i felt sooo...whatever~
just a way for me to vent all my frustrations, all my feelings.
OH YA! and Thanks Ah Gong!! really...!! being there when I'm so Down...~~
and also always helping me out with the problem statement.
if wasnt for.....i might have a chance that i like him..~~ opps..~~ =X
Nad...~~~no lar..cause ah gong is just a Mr. Nice Guy.
i had no idea whether is it a good idea to tell him or not.
but in fact, i already did.
whatever i said about others always come true.
but when it comes to myself, its always the opposite way.
should i feel sad for myself or happy for others.
i no longer feeling anything.
i'm cool when she told me all those.
i'm also cool when he told me all those.
i didnt felt anything. is it because im prepared?
or im numb. numb to them.
i punched my fist against the wall. red patches formed.
but it cant take away the feeling inside me.
i felt weird. its a feeling that wont go away.
i didnt slp last night. stayed awake whole night.
lying on the bed till 5 plus then went to bath.
it was raining when i stepped out of the house. but i didnt take umbrella.
i just walked the path under the rain. how i wish i could cry.
im unable to cry since last night. even im feeling all sucky and stuff.
i need to vent it out. otherwise i would go bonkers!!
someone just make me cry. let me cry so that i can feel better.
maybe after crying, i would pick myself up.
im now going to occupy myself with lots and lots of stuff...
whatever things u need help just ask me.
the proposal, workplan, activities for the camp, trainings, competition, PP proposal
im going to put all my heart and soul into all these things.
i dont want to think so much. just pretend everything is normal.
nothing is happening. too tired to think and dont wish to think.
[ I like it when its raining ]
cause no 1 cares about you, as they just care for themselves.
cause no 1 will notice that you were crying.
cause its so peaceful outside as people are all hiding in shelters.
and most important, is that Im alone right now.
stress stress stress.
school starts le everything just came.......
haix.. school work must calculate. face excel almost for every module.
then must see numbers!!!
omg!! just have to accept that im an engineering student.
so must face numbers...
nvm. school work i still can catch up.
then archery got alot of things need to do.
haix..head big BIG ar..!!!
proposal...work plan...trainings...everything......
sort of pek chek...... tired.... stress.....
haix...everything comes to a lump.
today went to class. everyone see me say i look very tired sia
i damn shagged meh?!
haix...maybe i didnt laugh ba. or too tired to even smile. or just a stupid blank tired face
today felt alot of things.
throat pain lar. then no appetite at all ar.
stress ar. negligible.
this word came to me. just felt that way.
i think im going to have depression soon
someone please help me.....!!!
take my brain out or something. just to let me stop thinking for the moment.
haix. feeling insecure. partly of that.
im sick of tired of asking the same questions and getting the same answer.
im getting hurt...really hurt...!!! can someone just get me out of this situation..?
can someone just lend me their shoulder?!
i really need it badly.....
im feeling real down.....it sucks....
really...i dont know what to do.....anymore...............
