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Friday, December 29, 2006

today went back school in the afternoon.
in the bus, met someone that i dont ever wish to see.
but what to do? get off the bus meh? siao.
some more sit beside me. Kns!!
haix. then i dont care. just continue staring blankly outside the bus.

reached school le. found that dory cut her fringe. and hm cut her grass hair. haas.
i also want to cut my fringe. but i think later ba.
then fletch my 2 arrows. then went to play piano.
Mr Wong is my piano teacher for the day. and i ask him Diam.
wahaha. what a nice student i am.
cause hes freaking distracting me lar.
im there trying to co-ordinate my left and right hands to play the new song lar.
then he dont know talking what nonsense. both wanting and me bo chap him.
and he started to smack us with his file. -_-
idiotic teacher. lolx. but the new song is nice. but unable to play it still.
play until hand cramp. then ah zhou not coming to school to fletch.
then went to eat lunch! im so damn hungry lar. then eat mini-pot. wanting eat udon.
while yang and mookie eat cup noodle. so "healthy" wor.
then after that went up to a class to screen "Saw 3". haas.
mookie dont want to watch but we forced him to be in the same room.
Gee. he was listening all the while lar. lolx. but die die also dont want hold up his head.
then went to buy old chang kee and bubble tea.
then keep talking over there. in the middle of the pathway. smart us. lolx.
the whole day was ka jiao dory and yang. lolx. damn funnie.

then on the way back alone. was thinking alot of things.
mostly is myself lar.
thinking, am i too much?
am i doing more than what am i supposed to do?
am i so stupid? too stupid to realise that im stupid?
am i too dependent on people?

starting to think alot of nonsense.
i remember someone said this to me.
"A broken boat cannot float until someone does something to fix the leak.
And this something could be as tiny as providing a nail for it.
Thats what you are to me"
after i heard this. i felt warm inside me. knowing that i could actually help someone.
it just makes me feel happy. contented.
its sweet to say that to me.
but i think once again. what can i do for him/her.
just being by their side?
is that what they need?
i dont know what they need. but will they ask for my help when they need it?
am i such a failure?
sometimes i felt that im such a failure.
never felt successful. i had no confidence.
maybe i lost it all. lost it through many things. unable to get it back.
maybe i could. maybe all i need is time. but when is it?
haix.
trying to be an optimistic.
but still thinking all these. too much for me eh?
thinking too much. u all said.
i shall try. try not to think so much.
i know i had been saying this for million times.
but it didnt work out. i shall try once more. or more than once more.

[ why put other people's problem as my own? ]
maybe i cant bear to see them suffer on their own. maybe i just want to help them.
maybe i know the feeling of the problem and dont want them to feel that way. ]
these are the possible answers that im able to come up with till now.

alone once again in my room.

written @ 9:11:00 PM

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