on the way back home.
alone walking the long path way back home.
i was thinking about
Life once again.
thinking what is it to me.
im surrounded by friends and family.
they loved me. they cared about me.
but what was i hoping for?
what was i waiting for?
what am i thinking about?
isnt this enough?
maybe im someone who take things for granted.
maybe im someone greedy. someone sell fish.
yesterday was talking with hubby.
about what i want to do. what i want from my friends.
i want to know what happen to them. i want to know all about them.
but there is one thing that is bothering me.
do they treat me the way i treat them?
is like i treat them as my best friends but do they think like me?
i know i must believe in them. trust them.
but im tired of believing something that might have happen again.
im scared. too scared to be hurt once more.
was hurt. hurt by my those my so-called Best Friends.
i took a long time to recover. maybe not fully recovered.
im still healing deep in my heart.
y am i so scared? because i fear to lose them.
they make me feel that my life is full of joy. full of laughter.
this kind of life is so memorable. those days with them was so cherished deep in my heart.
i will never forget those days and will never ever forget them.
im so weak. you once told me not to show others how weak i am.
but im indeed that weak. i cant be like you. always being so strong in front of others.
although there is a weak side of you but you never show it in front of other people.
maybe i cant be like you.
my life is always full of fear. although there is joy laughter.
everytime i parted my ways with you guys. my heart fell.
fell right to the ground.
not knowing if everyday would be like that.
as what i always say. life is unpredictable.
no one can predict what will happen next.
people say. thats why we must enjoy every moment.
its easy to say. but right now. i cant seem to do anything.
sometimes i feel helpless. thinking that i could help my friends that are in need.
but in the end. i did not help anything.
you. always cheering me up. made a promise with me.
a promise that whatever happens to each other. we will tell each other.
why must you wait till i ask you what happen?
why cant you tell me what happen?
i want everyone around me to be happy.
as long as they are happy. im contented.
hubby said. sometimes im too concerned about others that i forget myself.
and my friends also wants me to be happy.
this touches my heart. thanks hubby.
you knocked some sense into me.
im afraid of changes. afraid of quarrels. afraid of anything bad.
maybe im a coward. always scared of things.
im tired of thinking.
friends asked me not to think too much. but i just cant stop thinking.
>.<>.<
